Have a Healthy Holiday. Now This Won't Hurt a Bit...

This column was first published here on September 15, 2010.
Edited versions were subsequently published,with permission of the author,
in print and online editions of community newspapers across Chicago.

“Men, it’s almost Valentine’s Day.”

“Have you had your prostate checked?”

Believe me, when I heard that on the radio back in early February, I laughed out loud. I thought it was a joke.

But it wasn’t. It was the beginning of an actual ad for a local urologist.

Then a few days later, I saw a poster in a library, noting that February 14 is National Condom Day, according to the American Social Health Association.

Funny. I recall Valentine’s Day as a day to express the love that’s in your heart, not the lust in your loins.

And on February 14, I want V.D. to stand for Valentine’s Day, not Venereal Disease.

Look, I understand that those who work for a healthier world use their own observances as a tool. For example, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Fair enough.

And like most people, I like health promotion but dislike health policing.

So must the health police take over our gentle holidays?

Fast forward to May of 2010. Mother’s Day is approaching.

I think it’s reasonable to expect that I (and the 83 million other mothers in the U.S.) have one day---just one day---where we are feted for all that we mothers do. And nothing else. Just one day out of 365, right?

But apparently the health police don’t see it that way. As we approached Mother’s Day this year, this City Mom and the 83 million other moms across the nation were poked and prodded with message after message reminding us of our mortality.

** “Mother’s Day is almost here. To honor Mother's Day, it's a good time to schedule a mammogram.”

** “Mother’s Day is just around the corner. In 2010 alone, more than 11,000 American women are expected to be diagnosed with cervical cancer. The number of women expected to die from this illness is 4,070. Schedule your annual gynecological appointment.”

** “Mother’s Day is coming up. Stress at work can have an impact on your safety and health.”

** “With Mother’s Day near, keep in mind that too much sodium can increase your risk of high blood pressure, heart attacks and stroke.”

** “Mom, please know that Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) can not only leave minor cuts, scratches, bruises, and welts, but can also cause more serious and lasting disabilities, such as broken bones, internal bleeding, and head trauma. Women who experience IPV are more likely to smoke, abuse alcohol, use drugs, and engage in risky sexual behavior. If you or anyone you know is experiencing IPV, please get help.”

All five examples are real. Seriously, look them up on the Internet.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) even got into the act, offering e-cards that people can send to their mothers. The cards essentially say, thanks mom for all you do. Now when are you going to start taking care of yourself?

The CDC even offers this nugget of advice to moms: “Try waking up an extra 10-15 minutes earlier in the morning for a brisk walk outside…”

I have a better idea, CDC. How about our husbands and kids wake up an extra 10-15 minutes earlier for a brisk walk to the kitchen to make mom breakfast in bed?

But I am sure that nothing I say will stop the health police---partly because they will never understand that they have crossed the line from helpful to annoying. They remind me of a friend who, every time I saw her, had a “helpful” tip on how I could lose five pounds or wear more fashionable clothing.

She’s not my friend anymore.

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Joan Hadac is a Chicago news/feature reporter, editor and columnist.
Read her online at http://www.citymomchicago.blogspot.com/