Fun With Fakery

This column was first published here on October 6, 2010.

Edited versions were subsequently published,with permission of the author,

in print and online editions of community newspapers across Chicago.

You probably read in the news about the man who on the evening of Thursday, September 9, walked into the CTA bus barn near 103rd and Stony Island and so successfully impersonated a driver that he made off with a bus---and actually picked up and dropped off passengers on the South Side, even returning his bus before he was found out and fled.

Incredible.

I wonder if the driver was inspired by the antics of Vincent Richardson, the 14-year-old Police Explorer cadet who in 2009 used a Chicago Police badge, a uniform and a whole lot of gumption to walk into the Third District Police HQ at 71st and Cottage Grove and successfully talk his way into working a beat car for five hours before he was discovered.

Is this the start of a trend? Mostly qualified yet uncredentialed people doing jobs without permission and without want of a paycheck?

If so, I have a few suggestions.

** Faux Maid: a local woman dons an apron, convinces me she is a fully qualified housekeeper and cleans my house---and yes, she does windows. Cheerfully.

** Wanna-Be Taxi Driver: a local man pulls up to my curb in a spacious sedan and gives me rides here, there and everywhere to get errands done.


** Imitation Pet Care Specialist: he walks my dogs, picks up the poop, and even cleans out the cat’s litter box.

** Spurious Chef: she may not really be the classically-trained executive chef she claims to be, but she whips up a good meat-and-potatoes meal for my family.

** Pretend Painters: one day, a half-dozen 20-year-olds show up at my front door, insist they are college kids struggling to put themselves through school, and proceed to paint my walls, ceilings and outside trim. And then clean up after themselves.


** Rogue Road Crew: sure, they don’t really work for IDOT; but they have the equipment, materials, expertise and desire to show up at two o’clock in the morning and quickly fix the Harlem Avenue overpass and any other axle-busting local road projects that have been sitting half-finished for what seems like forever.

And my favorite, Ersatz Eccentric Millionaire Philanthropist: not quite a real millionaire, but he has plenty of dough and desire to pay all my bills. Hey, I’ll play along!


Fun stuff…

~ ~ ~

Moving from the fake to the factual: It seems like everyone has a cell phone these days, right?

Wrong, believe it or not.

According to the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project, 82 percent of American adults own a cell phone; yet among those of us age 65 and up, that figure falls to 57 percent.

Among the 43 percent of seniors who don’t have a cell phone, the reason is very often cost. It’s just not in the budget.

Yet a cell phone can be a valuable lifeline when you need an ambulance or police, and you can’t get to a landline phone.

Knowing that, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart is collecting old cell phones for seniors in need. (Even without a wireless service plan, donated cell phones are reusable because any working mobile phone call dial a 911 call center---which is a federal requirement.)

If you have an used cell phone that you’d like to donate, go online to cookcountysheriff.com and find the drop-off site nearest you (city or suburbs); or call Katie Walsh at the Sheriff’s senior services office at 773-869-7878.

Tell her the City Mom sent you.

What’s junk to you may wind up saving another person’s life.

Have a great week…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Joan Hadac is a Chicago news/feature reporter, editor and columnist.

Read her online at www.citymomchicago.blogspot.com